Chelmscote Manor

I am going to guess that Chelmscote Manor’s meagre 7 bedrooms and on-suites would barely offer enough room for a gentleman to swing a catamaran or organise an archery contest! Anyway, as you can see the celebrations were for Gill and Sandie’s big 50th bash, although technically neither of them had actually reached the half century for another few weeks and both solely reliant on Gods goodwill not to strike them down with pestilence or a number 49 bus so they don’t have to return all the presents.

Due to some oversight by my secretary we didn’t actually arrive at the stately pile until late after most of the Pimms had been drunk and social correctness had a hissy fit and been locked in the downstairs loo, and etiquette ‘mooned’ openly from the battlements, so our evening started with a lovely self penned poem from Sandie about friendship, hopes and dreams and responded to by Gill with a limerick which made some reference to Sandie “dropping her drawers” It was an very emotional moment for everyone.

After that, the music was cranked up and I seem to recall Kenny’s, Do the bump being played however by that point I was busy mingling on the crochet lawn which I am hoping, in the cold light of day the gardener and time can repair. During the evening I chatted with a number of old friends from the early Cary Grant tours about how clothes seem much tighter these days, French surrender monkeys and IF Mick Kitson actually still had any fully functional teeth? Crazy times indeed. As the evening progressed the evils of the hooch took over and I was forced into a Britain’s Got Talented blues guitarists style play off with the parties host Lord Clayton Chelmscote, which quickly managed to disperse a number of hangers on to the east wing and the safety of very thick stone walls.

All in all it was a great evening only slightly marred by an overzealous party goer passing out in a locked toilet and another overzealous crossed legged party animal putting his hand through the grade two mullioned toilet glassed window to wake him up.