Get me out of here

Obviously, I have been working undercover for some time now and have not been able to blog due to personal reasons. Well, basically my car hasn’t had any tax for a short while and the Rozzers have turned up the heat. I have been living a bit like Raoul Moat for some time now. Well, not so much living rough, eating squirrels and shitting in the woods but basically just trying to avoid Paul Gascoigne. That’s really why I‘ve kept my head down!
Last Friday however the city was awash with celebrities. I unfortunately was battling with severe flu type symptoms, that I had self diagnosed as yellow monkey fever which I had kept me away from my beloved roasted monkey nuts and off my favourite swinging tyre for over a week or more, my No 1 daughter Kirsty was hob knobbing with the cream of the acting and dancing world in the MK theatre district. In less than 24 hours of the curtain’s final fall the Dick Wittington crew were partying hard with a crazy smorgboard of ryvita thins and fizzy water with optional fruit slices at the Slug and Lettuce’s 1’st floors green room. Apparently, Dirk ‘the face’ Benedict excused himself early, to take advantage of a ‘special’ Botox deal going down behind Conniburrow community centre, and the word was that before the night was out; either Gavin & Stacey’s star Joanna Page or Greek disco dancing enthusiast, Stavros Flatly would be high on goats cheese canapés and Retsina and table dancing topless. Unfortunately for all, it was ‘Britain’s got a talentless Greek’ Mr Stavros Flatly that offered the top down, festival of flesh whilst Mss Page behaved herself impeccably.